Canvey Island v Cambridge
26th November 2005
Oh pride of Essex, your name is Canvey,
We need vaccinations when we're playing thee.
But there’s no vaccination from dirty Chav scum,
Your Burberry capped head and your gin soaked old mum.
Photo: Chris Vessey
Our confidence was high, after Donny were vanquished,
But which team today would be left feeling anguished?
After LDV Tuesday the league was our concern,
So we ventured to Canvey on our little sojourn.
The wind was harsh, it was bitter and cold,
The ground was designed by a man in blindfold
Canvey is rough, made us yearn for Beirut,
A town that’s so bad even tramps wouldn't loot.
The ex-U’s contingent employed by Canvey -
Was Ken Steggles the physio, Bimmo and Chenery.
Photo: Chris Vessey
Our line up was familiar, it did not befuddle,
As the U’s prepared with a pre-match group huddle.
Fola struck wide from five yards away,
Scoring from 5 yards should be his forte.
Gleeson broke into the box all clear on the right,
He should have scored – but didn’t, not quite.
Then Canvey broke free, the shot was from Boylan,
Howie came close but just couldn’t foil them.
United's next chance would come PDQ,
Westcarr struck well, he didn’t miscue…
…His shot was well saved as it threatened to blizzard,
The keeper was Potter, just like the crap wizard.
As half time came we rued our missed chances,
Defeat would be awful, like your Dad when he dances.
We attacked with vigour when part two commenced,
“A goal must be near” the U’s fans all sensed.
Photo: Chris Vessey
On 52 minutes the scores were one all,
U’s fans cheered wildly, we were having a ball!
It was Duncan heading in from 10 yards away,
It looped in the net with the keeper astray.
A few minutes later and it should have been two,
The chances we’d missed had begun to accrue.
It was a game we should have won with ease,
‘cos Canvey are just a team of pikeys.
But we left for home having to settle for a draw,
‘cos the Cambridge strikers are struggling to score...