Anti-Howard Poetry


	Anti-Howard Poetry In January we ran a competition, and invited you to send us your anti-Howard poetry - which you did, and you can read the entries below. Adam won the website poll with almost 50% of the vote... Please note: Many of the poems contain strong language... So, let me tell you what I want to do to John Howard... I want to make him beg for his life like a desperate old coward. I want to break his knee caps with a patio slab, I want to turn on his taps, and cancel his cab. I want to order peach schnapps on his Harris Suite tab, And watch him collapse from a right-fisted jab. And if that doesn't force him to sell us our ground I'll make him run for his life, like a fox from a hound. Cos I'll chase him, I will - in a tank that I found. Hold his head under water 'til the fcker has drowned, I'll know that he's drowned cos he won't make a sound, Then I'll sell his off-cuts for a fiver a pound. Buzz On Tour* There once was a man named John, Whose done Cambridge United great wrong. He cheats and he lies 'Sell It Back' everyone cries The ginger man needs to pass on. Eleanor, Cambridge John Howard is the man we all hate and despise. I wanna stamp on his scrotum and then cut out his eyes, with a rusty blade I would circumcise, Cos we're all sick and tired of that ginger cnt's lies. Simon, Cambridge* He's a wnker, and I hate his guts. He's a wnker, and he's got ginger nuts. He's a wnker, I'd like to cover him in cuts. He's a wnker, He's a wnker. Amber Moose* You make me sick You make me die You're such a prck You made me cry Chris, Histon* How I hate and loath you How I want to destroy you You are everything I hate Die Die Die I want to tear off your flesh I want to breath in your last breath I want to kick in your scull I want to bath in your blood Tom, The North There once was a cnt called Howard, Who felt somewhat empowered, He owned the Abbey, And the fans weren't happy, but all they could do was glower.. Matt, Hitchin John Howard is a very nasty man, But don't worry - he says he's got a plan! He's wants to move us to a dump, And treat us like chumps, He wants to take our Abbey away, And lead us astray. I hope he's attacked by a fan. As for Harwood, what a useless tool, Thought he was god, I thought he was a fool, Said the Abbey-money would last 2 years, But just a month later we were all in fear, Tried to knock us down in his new Jag. Hoped he'd crash and get killed by the air-bag. Don't let it end in tears. Somebody get Summerfield a calculator, He's not a very good anticipator! CFU are there to save the day, And to that I shout "Hip hip horray!" So turn your attention to the AGM protest, Be loud and proud in making your request, 'Sell it back' is the chant, It's the ginger one who we'll daunt, As we live to fight another day, Just don't let that cnt take our ground away! Matt, Hitchin (2nd entry) Come gather round U's, I'll tell ye a tale of misery and woe, About a miserable rich boy who didn't know when to go, cared not a jot for his family, friends or club, his only concern was dosh and free grub. This horrible lonely ginger boy was called John, And his friend Gary now asks "where's he gone?" "Where can he be, ginger John Howard" "I gave him my trust, the ground and my power". But the ground's still here, and the supporters are smiling? Where's the bijou flats with terracotta tiling? And the big sign 'development by Harwood and Howard' The filthy lucre in which I should have been showered? We're sorry Gary we don't know where he could be Not at the Abbey on Saturday at three Haven't seen him around here or there Nor seen a sign of his ginger hair "But lads, please tell me, I need a serious word. I'm a laughing stock, people say I'm absurd That I've been a fool and talk bollocks and rot And by the way, what's that bump under the penalty spot?" Adam, aged 4. The Howard Rap Howard get out you're a lout I wish you had gout get out I wish you'd lose in a boardroom rout get out get out I have no doubt you're a prat with a pout get out get out I'd rather buy from a ticket tout or see you get a smack in the mout' get out get out but give use our stadium back first please, thankyooo. W. Smith When Buzz went down to the woods today whilst eating a great big pie, John H and Gary were waiting for him and they had a big surprise, they pulled down their trousers and said "look at this!" But buzz took out a knife and with one big 'whiff' made Gary and John, eat a sausage pie for break-fast! Richard, Cambridge The Stadium is our future, Sell it back or we'll shoot ya, Gun shot wounds would suit ya, We hate John Howard! Wayne, Cambs I hate you I can't stand you I abhor you why do you persist? You don't understand Why do you insist? I mask It I hide It It kills me It eats me Useless Nothing Worthless Bastard You bring It with you in the air and aura I hate you Justin F. There is a man that I can't stand, This is the man who owns our land. He must sell back or else we'll kill, We'll kill him, with a pneumatic drill. But first we'll torture, we'll break his toes, Spit in eyes, and tie fingers into bows. Until he's screaming like a little kid, Only then we'll murder and get rid. John, Cambs